Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
