I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
