I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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