I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
