Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
