Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I could make wine with my vomit
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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