it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
operation have a gay friend backfired
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
