Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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