Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
