Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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