i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize