I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
