her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
