Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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