DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
