okay pat passed out under dana's car
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So here I am, sexting at work.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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