I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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