you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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