I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
