What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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