Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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