I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
