Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
