Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
