But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
