Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
