plz talk dirty to me
That's intense
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
