why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
