Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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