I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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