planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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