Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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