i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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