I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize