I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
