maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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