Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
