he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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