i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
