My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize