she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
