I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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