someone threw a dead crab at me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
