Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
