He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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