We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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