Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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