i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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