Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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