When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
