I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have post one night stand depression
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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