used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
