Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
