So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
