remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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