i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
