I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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