May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
