I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
