So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize