if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
