If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
