I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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