i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
